maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize