So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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