Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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