How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
