What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
