i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Randomize
