need another drink. this is the easiest way
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
