I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
