i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
