R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
