Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Randomize
