he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Randomize
