Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
