Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
