fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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