Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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