you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
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Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
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was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize