how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Randomize
