Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Randomize
