I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
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