how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
