we should wear snuggies to the strip club
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
