I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
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