dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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