My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
