i was rollin on her like bob the builder
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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