Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
