I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
We were destined to go to rehab together
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Randomize
