Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
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I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
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She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
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