Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Randomize
