That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
