I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
