The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Randomize
