She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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