i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
