this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
