I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
