Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Randomize
