The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
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