This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
