The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Randomize
