please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
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