Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
