can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
