Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
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