Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
