were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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