We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
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aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
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i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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