got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
In America we eat man semen.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
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Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
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