you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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