hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize