I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Randomize
