Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Randomize
