How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
