So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
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If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
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