you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
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