the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
i wish my penis had a tongue
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
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