He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
My Higher Power is John Stamos
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
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