Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
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