butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
