I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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