either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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