I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize