I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
