Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Randomize
