Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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