tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
My pussy is not your playground.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
