just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
