I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
