all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
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Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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