doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Randomize
