those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
