You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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