She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
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