guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Randomize
