My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Man, jail baloney is awful.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
they call him Oral-B. enough said
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
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